the little things of january

my girls are growing up so quickly, but our days are slow and quiet more often than not as my pregnancy continues to be...not easy. they love to play together, and i love watching them. it still feels so foreign to me that we'll be adding a boy to these tea parties.

i ran out of diapers and decided to just go for it and potty train nora. she's slowly catching on. we reenacted a tea party from a pinkalicious book, and sage held a coronation for our unicorn.

dress ups come out first thing each morning, but i'm pretty strict on wearing real clothes outside of our house. nora only chooses to be snow white or the cowardly (hilarious/sassy) lion. most of our costumes are handmade by my mom–amazing.

we adore books in this house. my library hold list is usually maxed out, and that's the way i like it.

while i took a rare nap one afternoon, sage left love notes under everyone's door. she's very into writing letters and notes, and we've started journaling every day with a different prompt. she's just such a good girl, and always looks out for me and for nora.

at a recent doctor appointment, i was asked if i stay home with my children. "you're so lucky. i wish i could stay home with my daughter!" was the tech's reply. and it's true...i can't imagine not being here for these little things that will make up their childhood.

sage says

today sage spent a solid two hours of quiet time "reading" (she really does read simple books, but i love when she pulls out magazines and scriptures and "reads" them) to her dolls and just looking at books. this girl adores books, and nora is following suite. it makes me so happy. sage is passionate about dancing and music and singing and frozen and joy school and changing outfits and french braids and scootering and pancakes and her grandparents. she is a solid helper and a rule follower. she is usually patient and gentle with nora. when she is sad, a tight hug and a good snuggle can solve any of her problems. i love watching her interpret the world. some moments from the last six months...

as she takes a bath with nora: "mom! there's too much water in here! nora might drain! (drown)"

looking up at mt. rushmore: "i like the man with the mustache on his chin," referring to abe lincoln

as we slowly drive through yellowstone national park: "peel your eyes! look for animals!"

saying a prayer: "and we're thankful we can go swimming after church...wait, mom, do we swim after church?"

chuckling to herself: "i hung my goggles up on a hanger. it's like the funniest joke i've ever seen!"

pretending to voice text into her fake cell phone: "melissa. period. i'll be down there in ten minutes. period. okay, bye. period." (another confirmation that she watches everything i do)

after school: "mom, we had a lesson in honesty today. nora is going to get jam all over her face if she eats that sandwich. i'm being honest right now."

one i hope she'll never grow out of: "mama! did you saw that?!"

playing with nora: "if you don't play the game, you WON'T GET A TREAT FROM GOOGLE." (the ultimate punishment apparently, since nate often brings home candy from his office)

and lastly, sage was assigned to recite the fifth article of faith in primary a few months ago. but, the way sage memorizes is by song, so instead she sang it for everyone...and then received a standing ovation from the other kids. hah! it was a good show.

sf + napa + michelin stars

i'm so behind on documenting that i need to just jump in and start somewhere! and this somewhere is a pretty great place to start. the annual girls' trip with some of my favorites from our chicago days was close to home this year (and we just so happened to MOVE the same day...busy!). we stayed in the city, but drove out to wine country on saturday for natural mud baths, michelin-starred restaurants, and vineyard upon vineyard of exquisite color. i thought we'd missed the fall colors, but all the vineyards were a mix of red, orange, and yellow. not bad, napa.

i was simultaneously grossed out and completely relaxed during my first mud bath. we literally climbed into concrete tubs of thick, gooey mud, then had more mud gently dumped on us, followed by a clean bath, a steam, and a nap bundled in blankets with cucumbers over our eyes. my skin did feel silky when we were done though (could this be the placebo effect?). we chilled in the natural hot spring pool that felt like a giant hot tub before dining in nearby yountville that night.

meals at the ferry building, foreign cinema, solbar, ad hoc, and of course bob's donuts didn't disappoint. these weekends go by way too fast, especially when you come home to a disaster zone afterward. i always leave feeling refreshed and so grateful for these girls. until next fall!

nj makes two

our "noah chain" as sage once called her is two years old! and i either can't get enough of her or can't get her to stop talking.

every night, just after you tuck her blankets around her, she says, "pancakes ton-morrow?" her love of pancakes runs deep but no, we don't make pancakes on the daily. i just love that she always asks though.

she is far and away the sassier sister, but also the sweetest. a common scene in our home: nora elbows sage to grab a toy she wants to play with. "mom! nora got me!" nora quickly says, "so sorry!" and kisses sage...then turns to look at me and suggests, "time out?" with a huge grin. oh nora! 

nate came home on the night of nora's birthday expecting we'd go somewhere fun for dinner, but the only thing nora wanted was "chipote-way!" we happen to live down the street from a nothing bundt cakes shop, so i took the easy route and let n pick out a cake. she was so enamored with her sparkler candle that she never blew anything out. we really love this well-mannered, funny, talkative two year-old. 

home sweet new home

we made it to san francisco! 

three months of suitcase living down, and three months of half suitcase living to go! i’ve been poring over maps of this city and trying to memorize where things like dog patch and duboce triangle are located, plus i’ve been adding bullets to my bay area bucket list like a maniac. sometimes i’m tiger mom with a dash of mary poppins–i force my children to go on outings with me. i’m hoping to instill a sense of adventure in them, but often i just ruin naps and we resort to ice cream when everyone is in tears. carry on!

nothing ever goes as smoothly as you think when it comes to moving. we've had a few issues with our corporate apartment, but the view of the bay bridge from our balcony is pretty stellar.

we've jumped right into things with a visit to the sea lions. i don't love fisherman's wharf, but those sea lions make sage so happy. we got quite the show from them today. right when i was feeling at my parenting limit (before noon...), both the girls conked out on our long walk home and the clouds broke. it was such a beautiful day! i meandered past the farmer's market and stopped to taste all the samples, conveniently during lunch time. i've never tasted better pluots than the juicy ones sold at the ferry building. 

i'd been dreading moving to san francisco only because it meant the end of our carefree summer. also, it meant that i now have to be a real adult who makes decisions about things like health insurance, cars, and budgeting. but here we are, and i haven't keeled over yet. one day at a time. i don't know why new beginnings are so hard for me, but they are. we are insanely blessed to be here, and i'm excited to get in a groove and enjoy more of this city i already love so much (plus so many fun friends in the area!). 

across america: wisconsin

when katie and fabio left north carolina in the spring, we said, "hopefully we can visit someday!"

that someday came fast. and i have to say, i was impressed with wisconsin. so much beauty in the rolling hills, crops as far as the eye can see, and the gaertners' gorgeous home.

we spent a sun-dappled evening at the university of wisconsin eating brats by the lake, visiting fabio's office, wandering campus, and finishing with farm-fresh ice cream for all. sage and nora quickly remembered jon and ben, and loved playing on their swing set outside. we adore this family! it seems like a lifetime ago when katie and i took our toddlers on a trip to malaysia together–our exotic trips have been replaced by costco trips. i'm so glad we got to see a slice of their wisconsin life.

across america: chicago

our favorite city was unexpectedly cold for our visit. we had to pile on whatever we had in our suitcases for the first day! the highlight was taking sage to the disneyland of little girls' dreams: american girl place. she was blown away one matching outfit and doll accessory at a time.

we couldn't decide on just one backdrop for our traditional shoulders photo...so many to choose from.

dylan's candy bar! we peeked in and stocked up on gummy candy.

we spent a night in libertyville at the lovely eyre bed and breakfast, then one night in the city for good measure. sage is old enough to get excited about the stories we tell her now..."this is the hospital we brought you home from! this is the park where we walked when you were a baby (and mom was seriously crazy/elated/depressed/alltheemotionsatonce)! this was our favorite restaurant! this was our apartment (and we didn't realize how cool that sweeping view is when we actually lived there)!

nate's old office, our old apartment building, and my view driving home from work each day.

late night ice cream run to 7-11 (keeping it classy here) with these two darlings.

we saw a handful of dear friends, ate at a few favorite places and a few new places, and explored the maggie daly park with greta and baby wes. a quick 36 hours, but a reminder that this place is still magical to me.

my chicago baby

her cross bite, her deep, dark eyes, her daily requests for "elsa" braids–i love it all.

then, it was on to the land of cheese and farms...

across america: louisville

50 hours

13 states

hours of music and two audiobooks later, 

we made it from north carolina to washington.

we decided we would probably never do it again, so why not drive across the country as we move (eventually) to the bay area?

after an epically long move day, we headed out of durham much later than we'd anticipated. the little girls thankfully slept soundly and we arrived in louisville, kentucky at 3:00 am. 

but this city! the brioche french toast with bourbon whipped cream at harvest didn't disappoint. neither did the oversized golden replica of michelangelo's david standing tall downtown. and i should mention sage is very into making up her own poses these days.


we set off for the louisville slugger museum, where we toured the factory and tested out some major league baseball bats. we stopped by the batting cages on our way out and i...am not so great at hitting a baseball anymore.


sage was mostly just thrilled with her mini louisville slugger, compliments of the tour.

our last stop in louisville was the muhammad ali center. boxing is pretty low on my list of interests, but nate insisted we check this place out. i was pleasantly surprised–the museum is so well done. we did some virtual boxing and speed training, and i learned that george foreman was actually an athlete, not just the face of the grill (am i the last one to figure this out?!). 

we drove across the bridge to indiana and stopped in zionsville to visit friends (and meet their new baby!), then continued on to our beloved chicago.

ode to durham

i had an elaborate idea for a little movie we could make to remember our time in durham, and then life happened. suddenly, we were moving a few days later, so i began filming clips on my phone of things i wanted to remember--places, food, the way the sun sparkles in those towering green trees. a tiny part of me is still in north carolina, especially after sage watched this with me and sighed, "mom, i just miss...everything about north carolina."

even though it's missing another twenty things i love about that place, here's my simple ode to durham...with a few added memories because this is where our family grew, and my baby learned to walk, and sagie grew up.
password: durham

Farewell, Durham from Jessica Lawler on Vimeo.

the end

i arrived in durham pregnant, hot, and completely overwhelmed. i complained about the mosquitos that infested our backyard and the lack of city buzz outside my door that i'd grown to love. our things arrived in two waves, so we essentially had to move in twice. i hadn't seen our chicago belongings for years and my tastes had changed. i'd learned we could live with very few things, and so i found myself in a house (with mice in the walls), wanting to toss everything i owned in the garbage (including the compression tights that adorned my swollen pregnant legs), throwing myself a pity party. pathetic, but it happened.

that first school term, i think both our heads were under water. and then, ta da! a new baby. joy and tears and hibernation and love and bliss and saggy, tired eyes, and body for that matter. but, somewhere in that first year, i saw the magic of durham. we got to live 59 seconds down the street from some of our very best friends. we road tripped and game nighted and late night chatted. we got involved in the duke community and in our church community. we met some really cool people, and we met some of the most generous, giving people i know.

my visions of living on ramen and months of single parenting were unfounded. i mean, there was a lot of single parenting at times, but it was doable. everyone is alive. i made a durham bucket list and  marked almost everything off that list. there is so much to do here! and so many restaurants to try (did you know durham was named america's foodiest small town?). the charm of durham and of north carolina completely grew on me, and now i'm sad to leave this place i love. 

i'll miss the cute, usually quiet downtown scene. i'll miss the plethora of fantastic bakeries. i'll miss driving up the tree-lined academy road on our way to duke each week, and i'll miss never cooking dinner on friday nights (all hail fuqua fridays, where duke caters dinner for students and their families). i'll miss all our haunts–the library, the parks, the life and science museum, duke campus, and walks in our neighborhood. i'll miss spring break and fall break and christmas break and thanksgiving break. i'll miss our little house that fills with light in the afternoons, and our backyard where rabbits live under our deck. i'll miss mint-oreo-reeses shakes from cookout, and true southern barbecue. i'll miss down-to-earth, wonderful friends, and that sweet southern drawl. and...hush puppies.

we sold our trusty honda and craigslisted like mad in anticipation for a tiny san francisco apartment. our whole life together has been in two year increments, and this move to the bay is the first time we might be sticking around for more than two years. suddenly, things are getting real! i'm looking around the room like, "can someone else be the adult around here?" they say you should leave while you're still having fun, and we've stuck to that in each of our moves. bittersweet, yes, but here's hoping our homeless summer and new beginning in san francisco will be another start to big things.

keep it dirty, durham.