I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
so funny! and all absolutely true.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Well done. PS. I am thinking about you and hoping that you are surviving teaching.
ReplyDeleteI especially love the last one. Oh how I miss working/talking/hanging out with you Jess. You always crack me up. Love your posts :)
ReplyDeleteJess, I read this one early morning while I was nursing my son and I totally laughed about these all day long! How perfectly awesome some of them are.
ReplyDeletethe title is true to its name... i did want to laugh and it did make me laugh! wow how they are oh so true. i love it.
ReplyDeleteSo funny. Thanks for the good laugh
ReplyDeleteJess, you are seriously hilarious! I agree with so many of these things, especially:
ReplyDelete- The "Avoid Ghetto" option
- Banana Peel. So true. Dang Mario.
- I will never wash this... lol. Seriously laughing at work. Maybe I've mentally checked out on this Friday afternoon.
- Why do we always look great when we see no one, and see important people in gym clothes?
- iTunes is miserable on all shuffle--why?
- Remote = too much pressure for me.
Oh please make a book of these things. I'm dying to hear more of your witty thoughts.
Too funny! That was great! Hope you and Nate are doing well! Tell Nate to call again when or if he comes thru Arizona.
ReplyDelete